oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
