70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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