he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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