I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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