I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
