i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
