Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
