Your dad touched me again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
