Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize