Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
