Will you blow on my dice?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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