Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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