he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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