If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
