Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
