We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
