I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
