Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
