I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
