Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize