So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
