I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
