she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
