we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
