you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
