I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
