i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
