Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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