i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
