So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
