he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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