So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
