i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
