we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
