the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate ashes out of my bong
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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