Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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