Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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