I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
