I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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