She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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