Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
