so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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