reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
