were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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