Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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