I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
