She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
