I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
