My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
