i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
