I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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