I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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