Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
