I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
