Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
