i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
