I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
