just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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