where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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