I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
