I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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