Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
