If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
