...so i touched it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
