I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
